The Pitfalls of Comfort, and Why It Is Holding You Back!
I have found myself doing a lot of reflection lately, looking back through the files, so to speak, to try and pick out that one moment that turned the tables. Trying to figure out when and why everything started clicking, what that obstacle was and when the moment I conquered it. What I have found as I look into the mirror is less of what I did right and more of where I fell short. I have discovered that the obstacle was of my own making, in fact it wasn’t one big thing but a series of small ones. It wasn’t a mountain I was trying to get over but a series of hurdles, each one set in place by me, each one just a little bit further apart and a little bit higher.
There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. – Jane Austen
Comfort was indeed one such hurdle, one I would place in front of myself over and over again, one that in many ways I still throw out there every once and a while. Comfort is a double edged sword, we all want to and drive to be comfortable, its warm, safe, and inviting we strive to live a comfortable life and seek out a financial situation that ensures our comfort. However comfort also works against us, we strive so hard to be comfortable that we start to rely on it, we defend it and we hold on to it. The quote above illustrates this point, read there is nothing like doing nothing for real comfort.
The best things in life are often waiting for you at the exit ramp of your comfort zone. – Karen Salmansohn
Karen has a different view, one that suggest that in order to obtain the things in life we want the most we must abandon comfort all together. Ironically enough you could read, in order to achieve comfort you must make yourself uncomfortable. Solid logic I suppose, but at the end of the day what sense does this make, how do you see that forest through the thickest of those trees?
On my 20 year anniversary in the Navy I wrote an article entitled “A Sailor Looks at 20”, it was a summation of my time in the military, 20 years goes by in a flash and in 1999 when I signed on the dotted line I had no intention of making this a career. So what kept me in for so long? I’d love to be able to honestly say it was a higher calling or a sense of duty. Ultimately it was comfort, the job is pretty easy, the pay is ok, and it is secure there are tons of fringe benefits and quite frankly I was and am quite good at it. The service would never make me rich, or famous but it would and has provided a great deal of comfort to me and my family, we have nice cars, live in a nice house and are living the comfortable American dream. If you rewind to May of 1999 when that 18 year old kid was signing the multitude of documents and contracts however, that kid was terrified, what he had though was the benefit of youth the immortality of being able to throw caution and comfort to the wind. 20 years later I was at the top 3% of my field looking back and wondering what next, it all has to end one day and then what.
Enter the RE bug into my life, it bit me and it bit hard and like most in the field once it took hold it wasn’t letting go and I dived straight in. I would read everything I got my hands on, listened to podcasts all day, even took a couple courses and ultimately got my RE license in the state of Virginia… I was making moves…. Or so I thought in my own head. I still however was not accomplishing much but I was comfortable, when I ran out of things to do I picked up another book, listened to another podcast. The value of education is unmeasurable, I honestly believe you can never know quite enough and there is always more to learn, however comfort will have you believe that education is an equal to action with the only difference between them being action is uncomfortable.
I quickly realized that my new chosen path in life was more or less fraught with the uncomfortable, I am in my soul an introvert, I do not enjoy the spotlight, I don’t like talking to people and the thought of being a sales man makes my stomach churn with anxiety, I’m not the guy “throwing myself out there”. So for a long time I avoided the actions that would require these levels of uncomfortableness. Long story short I knew what needed to be done, I knew how the game was played, and I had a pretty good idea of the path to success. However I was determined to cut a new path, one that did not trudge through all that nonsense, an easier more comfortable path. Back to the books and the comfort of education. As I continued on my journey of education and comfort I started becoming frustrated, I was at a point where I would read more but wouldn’t really learn anything new, same moral different story, same lesson different instructor.
“If you want something you’ve never had. You must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” – Thomas Jefferson
I came across a variation of the quote above in one of these books, the 4 Disciplines of Execution (4DX) by Chris McChesney, and wrote it in big letters on the center of the white board in my office. Every day I looked at it first thing in the morning when arrived and last thing in the afternoon as I left, those words still reside prominently on that board today. This quote in fact made me uncomfortable, it reminded me over and over again that I wasn’t seeing results, mainly because I wasn’t doing anything new, not profound by any means but my comfort was now causing me to be uncomfortable…. I wish I could say this caused an epiphany that called me to action, but it didn’t, there was no call to action or conscious change in how I would conduct myself.
Luckily I had a great mentor, and fantastic partners who along the way, figuratively, and at times literally pointed me in the right direction and kicked me in the behind to get me moving. These folks forced me to take the exit ramp out of my comfort zone and take action, to do things I had never done, and often despised in order to see results. This is where the epiphany came from, as uncomfortable as I was, whether knocking on doors, cold calling, and negotiating contracts I found it quite enjoyable. Not the actions themselves so much but that feeling immediately following, when I had leaped over the hurdle and conquered the obstacle, when the call was done, or the contract signed that feeling of euphoria that came immediately after. This is not specific to real estate you experience it everywhere, just after a run, a gym workout, a presentation you’ve been dreading or a conversation you’ve been putting off with your spouse. The realization that comfort and enjoyment are not mutually exclusive is a pretty exhilarating experience.
Often internally we equate comfort to enjoyment, that’s what makes it so hard to step out of that zone, not only do we not want to be uncomfortable but we also don’t want to be miserable, we want to enjoy life and live comfortably. I have been in the military for 22 years, one thing that hasn’t changed from day one is you get yelled at, sometimes a lot. As you move up the ladder you don’t get yelled at any less, you just get yelled at by more important people over bigger issues. Yet somehow as a Senior Chief, the top 3% of the enlisted force, when I’m in a Captain or an Admirals office getting torn apart for something that didn’t quite go as planned, it doesn’t hit quite as hard as it did when I was the low guy on the totem pole 22 years ago getting torn apart by the next guy in the food chain. Back then after a good butt chewing I would lower my shoulders, look down and find a dark corner to crawl into. However now 22 years later although I still despise these sessions and do not enjoy myself when being torn down, it is something I am comfortable with, it’s a process that whether necessary or not happens, it’s no longer uncomfortable but still not enjoyable. The opposite can also be said, I’m sure if you asked a race car driver, a mountain climber, astronaut, sky diver if they are comfortable while they do what they do the resounding answer would be no, but they enjoy the hell out of it, they feed off that rush. Look back at your own life at all those things you did for the first time, I imagine none of them were comfortable, riding a bike, driving a car, learning your trade but they must have at least in some measure brought enjoyment or satisfaction or there would not have been a second time around.
Throughout my RE journey thus far I have found that the things that were farthest outside of my own comfort zone have brought me the most enjoyment, and ultimately the largest gains where as those actions and motions I found comfortable didn’t bring me much of either. One aspect that I always found perplexing in the many books and podcast I had read and listened to, was how everyone said the first deal was the hardest. After that first deal everything just fell into place and the rocket ship was off to the moon, the deals just kept coming, properties fell from the sky, I never could wrap my head around that. The truth is that rocket ship is fueled by being uncomfortable, each action you take outside your comfort zone provides just a little bit more, after that first deal is done everything just seems to engage and its full speed ahead into the great unknown. However that’s the key, that first deal is so hard because of the great unknown, you simply don’t know what you don’t know, and you never will until you get there, no matter how many books, post, podcast you get through until you take that leap you don’t know what’s out there, and it’s not comfortable.
Much like I have grown comfortable with a good butt chewing by having endured a few in my career, those things that are holding you back now, the things outside of your comfort zone today, the unknown, will be soon well inside your zone once you have endured a few of them. Once you try the things you haven’t done, and start to see those results (good or bad) you will begin to fuel that ship, and much like compounding interest in the stock market, as you venture further and further out you will see compounding results. The hardest part of this game we are all trying to play is to take that first step, that one small leap to take action, I promise you when you reach the 10th floor that first step will seem insignificant, you will find it comical how long you pondered how to climb it, but the awesome part comes when you look ahead at the next 10 floors, you will chuckle and have the same reaction. When you start sprinting up the stairs with a smile on your face, your rocket ship is on the way to the moon, you know what comes next, your back in your comfort zone, the uncomfortable has become the comfortable.
Comfort is a state of mind you control, we choose where those lines are and we choose when and if we step over them. I once heard someone say “Real Estate is simple, but it’s not easy” I do not remember who or where I heard it but that one quote has summed up my whole experience thus far. It really is as simple as everyone makes it out to be if you do “A” you will get “B”, however doing “A” is not always easy, I have found however that doing “A” is only as hard as you make it. Step up to the line and pull the trigger get “A” out of the way so you can enjoy “B” and get on to “C”, you and comfort are what is holding you back. Step on the gas, move the needles and get after it! What can you get done today?